Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Here we go again...

"Doing what"? Simple: I miss writing once in a while. Either to write some frustrations from me, to explain something to someone or to analyse my own thoughts.

Previous relations failed...
Sometimes because of me and most of the time because of my previous lover (Minihai) not having the slightest clue about what she truly wants. Anyway... I saw it coming this time and pushed her far from me, further than I have ever done before. Like cutting away some rotten part of an apple. This time I can truly say that I'm over her. I don't want to see her anymore and I will not fall for her again. I truly think my brain will be able to win over feelings that might surface if I accidentaly saw her again. So... I did grow on that aspect and it was time too! That woman simply hurts her so called "loved ones" too easily.

So here we go again. A fresh start... Admitting my defeat... Feeling liberated by doing so and totally ready to face the world.

It will be a slow start where I will have to find new people to involve myself in. Sure, I do have a friendlist but some of the ones on that list, I have recently hurt for making the wrong choice. So that direction is closed. We stayed on each other's friendlist but more than that will not be possible anymore. Feeling sorry for myself about that? Nope! I made my choice by weighing all pros and cons and came to a conclusion, thinking against all odds that by working hard I would be able to make my relation with Minihai work again. If I made that decission then, and stood behind it then, I should not feel sorry for myself now.

So right now, at times, I'm a bit alone. I have a wonderful friend that I talk a lot with, thing is... we would both love to bottom on the other so besides having the best friend I could wish for, it's not too satisfying on other aspects for either of us.

Don't I have fun then? Sure I do! Actually a lot more than I had the last few months where I could not do anything good anymore in my previous lover's eyes.

So... here we go again. Once more a fresh start, the freshest start I made so far. Back to walking around alone where the only one I have to take into account is me. I might be alone but I don't feel lonely (anymore). I havn't checked out my previous lover's profile in weeks and don't care for the world what she does or does not.

To be continued faster than my previous entry.

Love,
Kyla

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