Tuesday, September 11, 2012

An impossible split

Today I did something I never did before. I gave up someone because I love her.

I'm happy I never told MsKristi or the evil witch of my previous entry about my diary here. Otherwise I could never write and place the entry I am about to right now...

Since my previous post, things continued to spiral downwards. As a result Mistress... or by now my ex-Mistress ended up in an impossible split. The evil witch of my previous post kept irritating me and I was working as much on her nerves. We both tried to hide it from Mistress as good as we could but of course she could easily pick up on it.

I knew I would never stand a chance against her loved one so it would either be me swallowing my pride and no longer be able to respect myself or to draw a line in the sand. A line that Mistress could of course never allow me to draw there because no matter if her beloved witch was right or not... She comes first, not me. Mistress wanted to give me 24 hours to change my mind. I told her that I would not do that and as a result I was sent away.

Mistress logged off disappointed and there it came suddenly: The evil witch contacting me: "Hey, can't we just forget the last few days? Call me whatever you want to, I don't mind"! Despite my sadness I had to laugh a moment there. It's obvious that Mistress was not amused with her and somehow the witch needed to do some damage control. Well, I told her it was too late and Mistress sent me away (of course she knew that already). Then I simply closed the IM-window and went to bed.

This morning Mistress contacted me and she wanted to talk about it again. I could have accepted now because I got everything I wanted after all? No, not really! Mistress sent me away already and with that did make clear to me she would never choose for me. Also my problems with the witch were still not over in my mind.

Mistress was really trying to push me to reconsider with the argument that I was met now in every demand. True, all my demands were exactly met. Problem is that I had to hurt people to prevent myself from being hurt. Not that I was not hurt myself too but this was just too much for everyone... especially for someone I love! She does not deserve that. If I had given in then it would have been waiting only a short time before the witch and I would again be at each other's throat.

So instead I told Mistress that I did no longer trust her with my love and submission and that that was the reason I did not want to reconsider. I know I hurt her a lot with those words. Not by far how much I hurt myself with them though. But I rather see her happy in a few weeks from now without me, than unhappy because of me staying there. Besides... the same is true for all involved here. We're better of without me being there.

MsKristi... You are a beautiful woman!
Even if I will never allow you to read this, my thoughts will often be with you and I might smile at your preference for stubborn girls, even if you are not able to combine two of those in one family.


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