This entry is meant as a view on why things have gone wrong in my previous relationship as well as forming a bridge to a new one evolving quickly. It shows how I am constantly in motion.
- On the left side someone I have a relation with, is pictured as three concentric blue circles where the inner circle is "1" and then goes out to "3" and eventually comes out of any circle.
- On the right it's me, red circles! My inner circle is "a", goes outwards to "c" till it's complete out of my reach too.
Now these two overlapping diagrams are perfect for showing more complex relations as you can put others in it and see easily where they stand compared to each other. If also in "a1" then it means it is a mutual very close friend or lover. It if it's only "1" then that person is close to the one represented bye the blue circles but totally unknown to me. If "b3" for instance, then it indicates a friend of mine and someone known to the other. "b2" would be a mutual friend. I'm sure you get the idea.
Now let's make the switch on why I had to take a step back in my previous relationship: I had 2 Mistresses both in my inner circle and both in each other's inner circle. Then something happens that makes me feel like I don't want one of them in my inner circle anymore and we push each other out of each other's circles over a few days time. Or worse... we know them but we would rather not, so basically totally out of each other's circles.
We both still have the other Mistress/lover in our mutual inner circles though. I can easily live with that. I don't necessarily need to be close to anyone to totally love someone else. I'm not jealous that they are in each other's mutual circle either as long as I do not have to deal with the other.
This is exactly where it went wrong though. My other Mistress was not able to accept that two of her loved ones were not interacting at all with each other anymore.
BTW... I doubt I was in Mistress' inner circle or otherwise she would not have made a clear choice for the other. So when she is clearly making a choice to stay with one person then it's logical that I feel as if all the blame is placed on me constantly. Stepping back was therefore logical too and prevented me from having bad feelings towards Mistress.
So, a relationship can be anything for all I care... As long as nobody decides for me how I should behave towards someone else. I feel only responsible for my own choices and can live with choices that others make about me (not for me). What I basically say here is that it was not Mistress business to require the two of us to get along with each other. I understand that it makes things more difficult but who knows what could have happened if it had been given enough time without that pressure?
OK, enough of that now and back to the present, which is a lot nicer. I am in someones inner circle again and she's in mine. Someone who is a lot more relaxed about relations. She's the one who came with the idea of using concentric circles to visualize what people are to her. All I did was elaborate on it and made it more complex by using 2 sets of circles instead and show where people are compared to both of us.
I will write a new entry of this new relation with a small peeking back to the previous time as girl of MsKristi. That will be necessary because it explains how it came to this. For now it suffices to say that MsAnna's and my circles overlap more and more... We are already well in "a1". For this entry it has been enough. So... to be continued!