Monday, September 10, 2012

Respect..?

It's way too long that I posted. This is mostly due to a long vacation and also simply because I didn't feel like writing for a while. Let's get this thing rolling again though. Especially since there is a whole lot of turmoil around me lately: One of my Mistresses is no more. No, no... It's not by far as dramatic as that might sound! Instead I simply do no longer accept her as my Mistress anymore.

It takes a while before you start to know people sometimes. Especially when they present themselves different towards you than towards someone else. At first you might think you are wrong in your assumptions while at other times you are convinced you are right. In the end you can only go by what you see and you make up your mind with that. If that is not what was meant then either you did not receive it well, or the other did not communicate well.

Whatever might be the case... You will end up in a war nobody gains anything with. As a precaution I tried to end that before it could happen and simply told her that I could no longer submit to her anymore. Problem solved... ..? Well obviously not! I got a lot of name calling and threats towards me. Things I will simply not want to have in my diary so I will spare you the details.

Since I DO care about my Mistress though, I have to be careful what I write and do. But... at a certain moment everyone has her point where she simply says "fuck it! If it is war they want, it's war they get".

Now war is not something you can win when you live in the home of the one you are in war with. Then again... nobody can take my self-respect so I won't lose it either. I will perhaps be forced to change my home position to a place I own myself but... I will never allow someone to do something I don't want.

I was told by me previous Mistress that if I wanted to keep living with her and my Mistress, I would have to call her "Miss" and treat her with respect. Oiii she is looking for drama? Hmmmm, I never walked away from a healthy dose of just that. I actually think some drama is fun!

At first I refused! How can you treat someone with respect that you have no respect for anymore? I changed my mind though. She knows all too well that whatever I throw her way is filtered through my mind as if directed to a real nasty Witch.

"Yes Miss" can be written and emoted in various ways that all show the true thought behind it:
  • Yes "Miss"
  • Yes... .... ... Miss
  • Yes Miss ;)
  • "Yes Miss"... smiles ever so politely
  • "Yes Miss" ... bats her eyelashes and smiles sweetly
Give me 5 minutes and I come with more variants.

Now what do I win with this? Nothing of course! I have no illusion about how this will end. Thing is: If I have to cut in my own flesh to cut away a sick part then I might have to accept that I have to cut away a good part too. I do fully realise and accept that. I think that I lost this well before and now I only have my fun in return.

So I do not win... but I can not lose either. I can't look at that woman and call her Miss because I HAVE to respect her just because I am in her home. Respect is earned not given because I'm accidentally in a group or place. Don't like that? Then send me away and hear me giggling on my way out.

Will I hurt my Mistress with this? Without doubt. It's not something I can prevent though. She has to choose for her partner and love and not for her sub. But that sub has to be assertive enough to make sure she is not walked over by someone she has no respect for and if her Mistress is not protecting her against the "evil Witch" then she will protect herself.

OK... now swallow and relax Kyla!

The above is discussed openly en still Mistress wants to try and find a way to make this somehow work. It shows me she truly cares about me. It also means I will be nicer, even to "The Witch" than I sketched above. That is only a last resort that I will use when I feel cornered and all I can do is show my teeth to keep my self-respect.

I hope this will not soon need a continuation!

Love,
Kyla

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